I heard my four year old say this to his older brother the other day and his words hit me like a dagger to the heart but not for any reason you might think.
In his precious little mind, he's just not playing. He's out. He's no longer in the game. He has now removed himself. He impishly stormed off in a Gone-with-the-wind flurry of pout that four year olds seem to have such mastery with.
Which, as is so often the case with my kids, gave me pause.
What was that really all about? Simple really. Punishment.
It wasn't going his way so he took himself out to punish his older sibling. He got the final say. He ended it. So what, right? Considering this is a strategy that follows us until we die, removing ourselves from whichever games we're in always sidesteps the major flaw in the plan. The impact on us. What it does to us when we take ourselves out, the disconnect, the make-wrong, the momentary domination, the blackened stain on our love for others and our own peace of mind that can fester and grow as the resentment ingrains itself into our lives. Be in no doubt, taking yourself away is nothing more than a backhand to the other person, regardless of how justified or innocent you might feel you are.
As with everything I say, I say this in full knowledge that other people can lie, manipulate, cheat and all kinds of truly underhand BS. But we usually don't even need something that dramatic to end the game do we? An insult, hurt feelings, unfair choices, gossip, whatever trivial matter (which you've blown up like a hot air balloon) that allows the self-righteousness to arise in your throat and take its grip.
I say to you what I said to my four year old.
Work it out. Re-connect, understand and forgive as quickly as possible with the people you love. Why?
Because the price of being right and alone just isn't worth it, that's why. Be the better you, be the you you're most proud of and let the chips fall where they may.
I F*ck&@$ love this book!!! Listened to it once (just got it 1-day ago! Recently started my 2nd go round!!! I mean I love that it wasn’t filled with stories or testimonials about or from other people!!!! Gary is “real” and this book is a MUST
Gary,
Your book is changing my life. That seems a dramatic statement for such a short time period of listening (Audible). I am on my 3rd replay in less than a month. Thank you. This book means the world to me.
Gary, Thank you for sharing your story and your soul with the rest of us. Unfuck Yourself is helping me understand my role in my life and to quit blaming my environment, circumstances, and the others in my life for my actions and attitude. Keep it coming brother!
Gary, just wanted to say thank you. I’ve read many many self improvement books and Unfuck Yourself is the one I continually come back to. I’ve listened to the audiobook several times (the accent and the nuances in your voice certainly add to the passion of the book). The emphasis of taking action is spot on. Just wanted to let you know that you have made a very positive influence in my life and have created a spark of momentum that I am working very hard at keeping going. Can’t wait for the next book, stay relentless.
Really made me stop and think hard … since I’ve raised 2 children into adulthood and now I have a 7 year old I say to my wife all the time “ we didn’t go through this with the other 2 “ . My 7 year old doesn’t respond to the same things my older kids responded to . Time changed between kids , hell everything changed … except me . Thanks Mr. Gary